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There are a lot of proven and unproven methods and theories in the world of paranormal investigation. Super Ghosts 'n ... Ghosts? has a few theories of our own that we are setting out to prove.
Theory #1: Ghosts are not only illiterate, but they can only say one word: "Burlap"
Anytime evidence is gathered through EVP (Electronic Voice Phenomena) we are always led to believe that this is a ghost acutally saying something, when it really sounds like a garbled mess. Which is why we believe that ghosts are only capable of saying one word: "Burlap". It makes sense, "burlap" has many different sounds in it, making it a hodgepodge of noises. It is very easy for sounds to be mistaken for other words, but take a listen to the follow sample:
This text will be replaced
Now look me in the eye and tell me it doesn't sound like someone saying "Burrrrrlaaaaap!". I dare you.
As for Prickley Pete, you may have noticed that he says something a little different. Well, Prickley Pete was sick and tired of saying "burlap" all day long so one day he was floating around and he blurted out: "Zoop!" It's been with him ever since!
Theory #2: Ghosts are mean and, therefore, jerks.
Ghosts can drain the batteries from your equipment. Knock things out of your hands. Push you, hurt you, scratch you. Ghosts are big time jerks. They can even threaten to beat you up and take your lunch money. Where do they get off? Huh? Who do they think they are? Why can't they just leave us alone? Could it be because we can't leave them alone? No. It's the ghosts that are out of touch.
Theory #3: Ghosts, on command, can, and will, move a boot.
Investigators love to ask if a spirit can give them a knock, or two noises. No, no, no. Nope. That ain't gonna do it. Movin' the boot is the only true test of a ghost. You see, a boot is something that the ghost can slip into. If the boot moves like there is someone in it, you've got a full apparition. If it slides across the floor, you've got a full apparition who's got a bum leg. All ghosts can be classified on whether or not they can successfully move the boot.
Theory #4: Ghosts hate every song you love, and love every song you hate.
I don't care if you favorite song is "Livin' On A Prayer", ghosts hate it (and Bon Jovi). And I don't care if your least favorite song is "MMMBop", ghosts love it (but not Hanson). They feed off the songs that you hate and it makes them stronger. God help you if you encounter an angry ghost while "Hot Blooded" by Foreigner plays!
The only way to combat it is to play your favorite songs over and over until the ghosts are just sick on them. Eventually they will be blinded by the light. They'll rev up like a duece and become a runner in the night.
Theory #5: Ghosts only come out at night.
How come all ghost investigation must take place at night, from sunset to sunrise? Yet the eye witness accounts all claim they saw something during the day? Well, it leads us to the conclusions that ghosts only come out at night and everything seen during the day is seen by a crazy person, possibly on drugs, who is also partially blind, and deaf, and witnesses the ghost from across the street. Ghosts thrive in darkness, it's where they get their powers!
Theory #6: Ghosts taste like, and are the consistency of, marshmallows.
That's right kids, bring a pitchfork and some chocolate and graham crackers! Ghosts are most definitely the same consistency as marshmallows, but do they taste like them? Yes! They are light and fluffy and made entirely out of sugar. Hopefully we'll be able to make smores on our trip...lots of smores!
Theory #7: Wherever there are ghosts, there are berries.
Did PacMan actually get it right? See, when ghosts are around, berries will always be with them, not necessarily in the same area or right underneath them, but near them. Now, the exception to this rule is this: berries do not always signify that a ghost is around. Just because a pile of berries is lying around doesn't mean a ghost is hangin' out. But you can bet that if you see a ghost you'll be able to spot a berry.
Theory #8: Ghosts do not operate on our time, they operate on Ghost Time, or GT.
Ever wonder why ghosts seem to move faster than us? They seem to appear and disappear in the blink of an eye? That's because they are operating on a different time than us. They move much faster than we do because their unit of time moves more quickly and on a far larger scale than we do. For instance. 3:45 Eastern Standard Time is a common time in our world. Now, multiply that by an arbitrary number and you get ghost time, in this case:
(3 / 45) X [(15 2/3) / (2 1/15)] = 47/93 or 47:93
How did we come to this conclusion? Well, you don't have to have a degree in astro-based physicology to see that. Dummy.
Theory #9: Ghosts build underground tunnels and secret passages in order to move through haunted locations.
Let me axe you a question. Have you ever noticed that, not only are ghosts fast, but they seem to be able to get around in a haunted place pretty easily? Well notice no more! You see, ghosts spend days, years, decades, adding secret tunnels and passages throughout a haunted area in order for them to travel quickly between floors or even whole buildings. Where did they get the permits? Where did they get the building materials? Who knows? And more important: who cares?
Theory #10: White Orbs are actually ghost babies.
You see, when a man-ghost and a woman-ghost really love each other, someone takes a picture and they explode. When they explode, tiny baby ghosts, white orbs, are born!
Thrown into the atmosphere with a tremendous force, only 1 in 23,489 ghost babies survive. It only takes about 3 - 5 minutes on medium heat for them to transform into full ghosts!
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